


Operation Regisurp

by conceptofzero, oisiflaneur



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-02
Updated: 2012-04-02
Packaged: 2017-11-02 22:17:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/373949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/conceptofzero/pseuds/conceptofzero, https://archiveofourown.org/users/oisiflaneur/pseuds/oisiflaneur
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What Jack Noir wants most in the world is to see the Black Queen usurped and exiled, by any means necessary. If he'd known more about troll romance before he agreed to this plan of action, he may have reconsidered what those means were.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Operation Regisurp

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for the HSO Collab round, this fic has gone through some edits and overhauls since then. Most of the Karkat dialogue in the first and middle sections comes from Expletives and Icy (currently without an AO3 account). Major changes include the first section being rewritten to be from Jack's POV, an additional sequence with Karkat, Terezi and Jack, and revised fight dialogue between the Black Queen and Jack.

Jack’s known Karkat for all of an hour, and what he’s learned so far is that the kid is a whiny braying jackass with some sort of complex about his perfectly normal blood. He’s also learned that the kid might be useful for disposing of the Queen Bitch, which was more than enough reason to tolerate him for the time being.

That doesn’t mean that’s enough reason to keep from stabbing the kid when he let his mouth run. And of course the kid constantly let his mouth run about everything, especially things he doesn’t know jack shit about.

“Holy shit, jackass." Karkat has at least figured out to keep his trap shut while Jack is talking, though he still hasn’t clued into the fact that calling Jack a jackass is just likely to get him stabbed a forth time. His hand is already reaching for his knife when Karkat blindsides him. "You've really got it bad for this bitch, huh?"

The only reason his blade isn’t buried in weird troll organs is because what Karkat said is so fucking mindbogglingly stupid that Jack has to know exactly what his thought process is. They’re walking along one of the many aqueducts and Jack stops them just to address this. “If by ‘got it bad’, you mean I want to see that bitch crawling on her knees, stripped of her crown and powerless, than you’re fucking right, I’ve got it bad-”

He stops, reconsidering his words. That’s making it sound a little too much like what the kid’s suggesting. The smug look on his grey face makes it clear that he does. “I told you-”

“Shut up. It ain’t like that. I don’t want to fuck her, I just want her dead.” Karkat’s still giving Jack a look like he’s said something stupid. “What the fuck is that look for?”

"I haven't seen anyone so hopelessly black since... Shit. Since ever. People only say the shit you’re saying in movies.” Karkat is making zero sense. Jack feels another stabbing coming on. The kid rambles, clearly not sensing Jack’s quickly fraying patience.“In the entire history of my existence, I have not seen anyone as horrifically, overwhelmingly black as you are. I mean, you might as well be drowning in liquid negrocity."

"’course I’m black, I’m a fucking Dersite. The white ones are Prospitians. We need to go over this shit again?” The kid isn’t the brightest bulb in the drawer, but he hadn’t struck Jack as being terminally stupid. This whole conversation is making him reconsider that judgment.

"No, no. Augh, I almost wish I could be surprised by now, but no. Years and years of crushing disappointment have been a fairly effective vaccine for that." There’s something odd in the kid’s eyes, something off-putting and a little frightening if Jack’s being honest. "Yeah, okay, duh, you're a Dersite. I think that much was obvious after about a fraction of a second. But there's black like the colour and black black, like the quadrant."

“If you don’t start making sense soon, I’ll make sense outta you.” Jack snaps his switchblade open, making a point- dammit! He always thought up the good puns after he was finished delivering the stinkers.

Karkat didn’t exactly get pale, just a lot more fucking grey, and then got to explaining. Troll romance, as it turned out, was a complicated stupid mess involving people fucking out of love (or pity as Karkat insisted, since apparently they didn’t have love), fucking out of hate, keeping people who fuck out of hate from killing each other, and then keeping people who don’t fuck out of pity from going nuts. The last one was not friendship, since trolls also didn’t have anything like friends and that was the sorta bullshit aliens indulged in. Jack didn’t understand most of it, and dismissed what he had heard as bullshit.

The only really relevant part was that black didn’t just refer to his shell colour, but also to how he felt about the big bitch. Jack could find dozens of words to describe how he felt about the Queen, and none of ‘em had anything to do with wanting to fuck her, except in a completely non-sexual sorta way, just a fuck her over sort of way.

Karkat still didn’t accept that, even after Jack explained that carapacians didn’t have that sort of romance in their society. "You're so caliginous for her it hurts me, Jack."

"I’ve got something else that’ll hurt you," Jack snaps automatically. He is really not at his best today. Karkat makes a face and Jack just rolls his eyes. “And none of this fucking romance shit either.”

"I would fucking hope so. I’m not that desperate for a kismesis." Karkat leans up against the side of one of the arches, looking out over the ocean of blood surrounding them. He thinks the kid’s about ready to let this drop when he springs another question on Jack. "Why exactly haven't you just declared it and gotten your mad hatemack on already?"

The exact meaning of hatemack may be lost on Jack, but he gets the general gist of it, and it’s everything he doesn’t want to hear. The knife’s still in his hand, ready to make best friends with Karkat’s insides. “What did I fucking say about the romance shit?”

Karkat’s got his hands up in the no-offence position, something the kid’s getting real accustomed to doing the moment he sees the flash of Jack’s knife. It’s kind of impressive how good he’s getting at it, but it would be a hell of a lot more effective if he didn’t keep flapping his yap. "Look, don't launch a projectile weapon at the bearer of the message. I'm only an armchair expert, and I can still tell. It's written in bold, capslock, thirty face font in everything you say."

Jack’s only retort is to drive his knife straight into the fleshy part of the kid’s right thigh. Karkat finally drops the romance thing, even if only because he’s too busy freaking out over bleeding all over his pants to keep harping on it. Jack takes his wins wherever he can get them, and this is most definitely a win in his books.

\-- 

Jack slips back into the central tower, grabbing a stack of paperwork off of some drone's desk to cover his ass as he heads up to his office. Maybe the Black Queen's noticed he's missing, maybe she hasn't. He's hoping for the latter but he's finds it pretty fucking unlikely. She likes to keep tabs on him, just so she can ride his ass whenever he fucks up.

His choice of metaphors makes him pause a little. Okay, riding is not what he should be thinking about right now, not when talking about her, especially not if he was going to be talking to the kid about her Royal Pain in the Ass. He sneers silently to himself at Karkat's insane evaluation of Jack's relationship with the Queen They weren't kissmisses or kissmets or whatever the kid had rambled on about. Sure he hated her, but that didn't mean they had some fucking deep magical bond or whatever. It just meant that he wanted to see her off the throne and out of his fucking life forever.

Jack lets himself into his office, glancing around. He doesn't see her. Everything looks the way he left it when he slipped out a few hours ago, after he'd gotten word that the white bitch hadn't killed her. And he'd put so much effort into having those two go head to head in the hopes that the Black Queen would lose. Of course, she had survived.

The room smells vaguely like blood. The coppery smell invades Jack's nose as he walks over to his desk. He glances around again, half-expecting her to step out behind one of his fenestrated walls. Jack peers around them, and having spotted nothing, he turns to drop this useless paperwork in the garbage. He ends up nearly dropping it on the floor in shock when he turns around and finds her sitting in his chair. Jack curses himself for leaving the fucking thing facing away from him when he entered the room.

"Last I remember, Jack Noir, your one and only duty is to handle the tedious paperwork that accumulates during the day." There's blood splattered on her arms and uniform, mostly dried. There are a few spots on the paperwork in his desk. It takes every ounce of Jack's control not to curl his lips up and bare his teeth at her. That's his fucking desk she's getting blood on. The Black Queen doesn't even look at him, flipping through a stack of tickets. "Nowhere in this description does it allow for you to leave whenever you feel like to run errands or whatever it is you do when you aren't at you desk."

"I was handling your paperwork. I had to get forms from another department." He loudly drops the papers on the table, fixing her with a look that is just a sliver below outright contempt. As much as Jack would love to tell the Queen exactly what he thinks of her, he wants to keep his head on his shoulders, not on a pike at the top of the towers. Still, there's nothing he would love more than to wrap both hands around her neck and choke her until her eyes roll back in her head. He wouldn't stop until even her eyes were black, as black as the hate running through his veins-

_In the entire history of my existence, I have not seen anyone as horrifically, overwhelmingly black as you are. I mean, you might as well be drowning in liquid negrocity._

Karkat's words come back to bother him and he does his best to brush them aside. It's not like that. Maybe that's the way it is for those grey-skinned creeps, but he's not one of them. He's Jack fucking Noir, and when he says he wants to kill the Queen, it isn't a metaphor for screwing her.

The Black Queen flips through those papers too, her eyes skimming them. Jack knows she's not really reading them. She's just trying to make him crack and admit that he wasn't doing his job. He stays stock still, doing his best to pretend that this isn't getting under his carapace. Only practice keeps him so quietly defiant.

She sets her fingers on the desk, tapping them. "These forms are already completed."

"Well yeah. Why else do you think it took me so long?" Jack lies through his teeth, desperately and as smoothly as he can.

"They weren't completed in your writing." She holds up one of the forms with one of the tickets he's doodled on. For a moment he freezes up, not because of the writing, but because he remembers that he's been drawing crude caricatures of her all day long, and any of those would be enough to sign a death warrant. Fuck, fuck, fuck! She hasn't called the guards though, and he can't imagine her not blowing her fucking lid over him calling her a bitch, so he forces himself to calm down.

"Why would they be? I had the agent take diction for me." Jack lets his mouth do the talking while the back of his mind has a minor freakout as it tries to remember where he put all of the drawings. Most of 'em are well and truly hidden deep in his desk's files that she wouldn't think to look in, but he knows a couple of the newer ones are sitting in that top drawer, just under some pens and an spare inkwell. "I've got better things to do than fill out forms when there are lackies to do that shi- stuff." Jack barely corrects himself in time. Cursing to her face is a stupid fucking move.

"Do you do that often Jack?" He can't tell what she's thinking. She's got that placid look on her face that she always does, the one that means she's hiding her real feelings. Maybe she's pissed, or maybe she's smirking underneath, laughing while she makes Jack twist and contort himself to fit the lie. "While I do support delegation, there are duties that you are expected to do yourself."

"I stood there and helped fill 'em out. That sounds like me doing it." Jack shrugs, trying to seem casual. "You can ask him. He'll tell you I was there all afternoon helping with these forms. He couldn't have done 'em without me."

The agent will back Jack Noir. The Black Queen may rule Derse, but Jack controls this whole bureaucracy. If that agent lies and gets Jack in deep shit, then Jack will make sure he gets in deep dirt. Six feet under to be exact. Hey, that's a good one. He'll need to remember that for the next time somebody tries to cross him.

For a while, the Black Queen says nothing. She goes back to messing up his paperwork and Jack has to just stand there and watch her make over an hour of work for him by just putting paper in the wrong towering stack. His teeth are firmly gritted and his jaw is starting to lock up when she finally gets bored, leaving his papers be and standing. "You will stay until all of this is properly filed. You desk will be clean when I inspect your office tomorrow."

"Yes your highness." Jack reluctantly agrees to her terms, though it's not like he has a choice in them. He has to tilt his head up to look her in the eyes. Jack just wants to grab hold of her uniform and shove her back into that chair, force her to be eye-level with him again and-

_But there's black like the colour and black black, like the quadrant. You're so caliginous for her it hurts me, Jack._

He takes a step back automatically. The Queen pauses, her eyes narrowing further. She doesn't press Jack on it, brushing past him. He gets hit with the scent of her perfume, some sort of flower, and he feels that flush of rage and hate deep in his chest. He even hates how she smells.

If Karkat knew that, he would never let this fucking go. Jack watches her leave before sitting at his desk. The chair is warm from her sitting in it and he shifts uncomfortable. He's got to get this work done. And when it's sorted, he's going to start figuring out how to put those fucking kids to good use.

By the time he's finished, Derse is going to be short one huge bitch, and his life is finally going to be going in the right direction.

\-- 

The Land of Thought and Flow is giving Jack a fucking headache. How anyone could stand this fucking place is beyond him. Of course, it all clicks into place when he meets Terezi, who is clearly insane. She sniffs him, proclaiming that there's a hint of black licorice in his smell, and then dodges the knife aimed at her midsection, the penalty for getting too fucking close for comfort.

Jack lays out his plan for them. Deuce saw where the Queen stashed the ring in the safe. It's on a secure floor, nobody in and out but authorized personal. Only one other person knows the code for that safe, and they don't have clearance to get to that floor. Getting that ring is only part of the problem. First, they need to make sure the bitch is being exiled while they're lifting the ring from the vault. To do that, they're going to have to turn the Queen into a traitor and set up a list of offences as long as Jack's arm to get her stuck on a capital ship and shot through one of the portals.

He's got a plan, a pretty fucking good one if he says so himself, but it's a long-term plan. When he starts really listening to these kids, he realizes one of two things. First, they're all a bunch of freaks. Second, they can accomplish in days what would have taken him half a year.

The laughing psychopath is an interrogator, and if everything she says is true, then she'll be able to break the asshole who knows the code to the safe. Though the others aren't here, Jack can see them talking over the crawling computer Karkat just alchemized, a flood of coloured text streaming across the screen. The light blue one who also seems crazy as a shithouse rat can mind-control people, as Jack finds out when she grips Karkat and forces him to slap himself. The nervous brown text can commune with animals. The green one has stealth on her side while the mustard yellow knows how to hack. There are others, but Jack stops listening at that point. He doesn't care about Karkat's shitty little friends. He only cares about Operation Regisurp.

The girl with the glasses – Terezi – starts doling out parts to the other players, since she knows what they're each capable of. Karkat pulls Jack aside. It's been obvious that the kid's been wanting to talk to him in private since he got her. He and that girl of his have been bickering. Jack's not sure if that means they hate each other in a real way, or if this is some fucking mating ritual among short grey-skinned pincushions.

He expects the kid to start going on about that troll romance bullshit, but that's not what comes tumbling out of his mouth. “We need you to keep the Queen distracted."

"I already do that on a daily basis." Jack's face falls into it's usual sneer at the thought of her. It took him hours to sort out everything the night she was waiting in his office, and the inspection the next day forced him to stay late again. It's taken him three days to finally get off work at a reasonable hour so he could go speak with the players and figure this shit out, and he hasn't gotten nearly the sleep he needs. "She's in my fucking office more than she's in her own."

"It has to be more than usual. She's got to be focused on you." Karkat glances over at the computer where a wall of rainbow vomited words keeps quickly ticking upwards. Terezi is laughing to herself. The sound puts Jack's teeth on edge. "You should woo her."

So much for avoiding that romance bullshit. "I already told you, it's not fucking like that with me and the Queen!"

"Yeah but you can make it like that. Get her so busy hating you that she can't even think straight. She won't see us coming." Karkat rests one of his hands on his stomach, automatically shielding it from the knife that's in Jack's hand. He hasn't stabbed Karkat yet, but only because that kid will make such a fucking fuss about his blood if the other one sees it. "We can't do our part if she's watching us. Jack, pretty fucking please?"

"Fine. I'll keep her fucking busy. But it isn't whatever you think it is." He sighs loudly, more of an explosion of air than an actual sigh. Jack glances back and finds the other one lurking behind him. "What the fuck do you want?"

“To draw your attention to my keen legislacerative skill at doled out roles! We’ll bring about justice to your corrupt kingdom, Mr Black Licorice." Terezi bares all her teeth at Jack as she laughs, and the only reason he doesn't cut her throat open is because he needs her to organize this shit for him. And maybe because the kid will lose his shit again and Jack doesn't have time for that.

"Sure kid, whatever you fucking say." He begrudgingly agrees with her. "What did your friends say?"

"They're all in." She holds up his book. The kid's added names beside each entry on his list, easily identifying who is meant to do what. There's drawings as well, cruder than his and far more demented, and Jack just ignores them while Terezi babbles on about shit he's only half-listening to. "-two weeks or more."

He's thinking about the Queen. Not about exiling her. Just... thinking about her. Jack takes every opportunity to get out of the room the moment she enters it. Going out of his way to stay there, to keep her as annoyed with him as he is with her, without crossing the line that'll get him killed?

That's going to be fucking hard.

"Noir?" Karkat jolts him out of thoughts. "Where are we getting this phenomenal trainwreck started?"

"Here." Jack taps on the second line of the list, besides the name starting with S that has fucking numbers in it for no good reason. "We get your friend into one of our terminals and put him to work."

"That shitain wishes he was as good a hacker as I am, the bifurcation obsse-" Karkat starts whining, but all it takes is a flash of Jack's blade to shut him up. Then he and the other one start bickering about how maybe Jack should stab him, so she can find out once and for all what his blood smells like, and fuck no you crazy bitch Jack don't listen to her she's nuts-

Jack rolls his eyes, ignoring whatever fucked up hate-flirting those two bastards are doing and gets back to the book, and to thoughts of the Black Queen.

\-- 

He's right in the end: it's fucking hard.

Jack does learn something though. He really does hate everything about her. It's not just that she's fucking incompetent or that she's too fucking focused on uniforms, or that she gets off on breaking his balls or that they could have won this war on the first day if they'd been willing to break the fucking rules and kill the players (which is Jack's first fucking step as soon as he has the ring in his hands). No, as it turns out, it's not just that. It's everything.

The way she walks. The way she talks. The fact that she always sits on things that aren't fucking meant to be sat on, like desks and tables. Her uniform, which is the regular one he used to wear before this prototyping bullshit, and the way she keeps that crown always on her head like he might forget she's the Queen without it. Her narrowed eyes. Even her fucking ankles and the way they bend ever so slightly when she's sitting on his desk. Her fucking ankles. This is how much he hates everything about her.

He's got a feeling she can't stand him either from the way she always goes out of her way to bother him. Jack doesn't even really have to try to keep her occupied. She seeks him out. He just has to keep her there, which is as simple as tensely disagreeing with her. The bitch stays, just to tear him down word by fucking word, to see his fists clench around his quill until they can both hear it crack.

"Jack, be more careful," She always says, plucking it out of his fist. "We can't afford to waste money on office supplies when we're in the middle of a war. This will be coming out of your salary."

And he grits his teeth and each time, two scenes play out in his mind. The first has Jack lunge over the desk, just so he can dash her brains out. And the second has him grab hold of her head for very different purposes. And each time, he promises himself he's going to find a way to stab Karkat for this fucking indignity the next time he sees that kid. He shouldn't be having thoughts like that about a bitch like this.

He comforts himself with the knowledge that he can murder all of them as soon as the ring is on his fingers. Sometimes, he feels a little twinge about murdering Karkat. He's an alright kid, and he's an okay leader of those kids. Maybe his culture is bug-fucking nuts about romance bullshit, but other than that, he's not terrible.

But there's no way he'll sit back and let Jack off the rest of those fucking idiots, so Jack guesses he's got to get rid of him too. He'll make it quick. No point in making a good kid suffer, but no point in leaving him alive long enough to find his own special mutant power to use on Jack.

This is what he tries to think about when he finds his eyes lingering on her crossed legs, and not what he would do to get his hands on them.

\--

There’s more trolls there the next time he comes back, faces to put to names that Jack doesn’t want to bother learning. The meeting’s supposed to last fifteen minutes, but it drags on and on instead, hobbled by the constant infighting.

Watching these idiots bicker with one another, it becomes crystal clear to Jack that there’s simply no way they could win this war without his help. They can’t even run a simple fucking meeting without dissolving into petty quarrels and overblown dramatics. The cherry on the sundae of failure comes when Karkat tries to call for order, only to have the stoned troll interrupt him with some fucking ramble about his so-called mirthful messiahs.

Jack’s just about had enough of this. His knife-hand is getting twitchy and he’s about ready to make a rainbow when the blind one sidles up near him again. Her eyes are impossible to see behind the red glasses she wears, but he always gets the sensation of being watched by her, even though the eye-patch wearing one made it clear to everyone that the glasses-wearing one was blind, blind bliiiiiiiind, as she put it.

“You got something useful to contribute, or are you going to smell me again?” Jack had quite enough of these kids and their unsettling mannerisms.

“I can smell you well enough Mr. Black Licorice, I don’t need another whiff.” She gives him a smile, showing off her sharp teeth. That’s at least something he can say for these kids; not a dull tooth among them. “I want to talk to you about black infidelity.”

“Black-” Jack catches himself, frowning. “Is this another fucking romance thing? Because I told Karkat-”

“I know what you told Karkles about your species not having blackrom, even though you and the Black Queen are the ultimate example of an unrequited kismesissitude!” She smacks the cane in her palm for emphasis, and Jack gets the feeling that she’s messing with him. “But regardless of your species lack of quadrants, you still know what infidelity is! And you know how dangerous it can be.”

“Well, let’s see. I’m trying to fucking romance the Queen of Derse to keep her occupied. And even if she rises to the bait, I’ve got her husband to worry about, and he’ll take my head the moment he finds out anything.” He sneered at her, finding it hard to believe how stupid these kids could be. “I think I’ve got an idea of how dangerous this is.”

“No!” She smacks the cane again, and this time he thinks maybe she’ll take a swing at him. Terezi doesn’t, shaking her head like he’s the one who’s being stupid instead of her. “Filling your quadrant twice over is dangerous enough, not to mention flagrantly immoral, but it’s suicidal to double up your caliginous quadrant. And when the Queen and the Dark Text Lady are so viciously black, it’s only a matter of time before one of them realizes you’re untrue and decides to take your head as a trophy!”

“What?” He blinked, trying to make heads or tails of what she was going on about now. “Look kid, I’m only being ‘black’ in one direction, and that’s the Queen’s. And I already explained to the purple one that my hate ain’t that kind of black.”

There were still splotches of purple blood on the ground from that nasty little incident. Apparently the kid thought Jack’s contempt was some sort of flirting. He’d been all too happy to clarify that one so nobody else would miss the point - heh.

Terezi frowns, and she taps her cane on the ground, the steady sound getting on Jack’s nerves. “The Dark Text Lady’s black for you, black as the sky gets here without any stars in the way.”

“I don’t know any Dark Text Lady, and maybe she’s got herself all hot and bothered for me, but that’s a one way street.” Karkat’s heading over and Jack drops this whole thing, not wanting to get Karkat on a roll with this shit again. He’s even more insufferable than Terezi. “Did you fix your shit?”

“Shit’s settled, those assholes know what they’ve got to do.” Karkat eyes up Terezi. Jack finds himself wondering what the hell is up with those two, if they’re black or red, or what exactly. Then he realizes what he’s doing and he pulls his lips into a sneer. Fuck, he’s not supposed to get caught up in this romance bullshit. “How’s it going on your end?”

Jack shudders, thinking back to the day he just had. The Queen had shown up and forced him to redo a whole hours worth of paperwork, sitting up on the desk while he rewrote each form to satisfy her. It had been long and hard, and it hadn’t been helped by the way she kept leaning over to look at his work and his eyes kept getting caught on the way her breasts shifted when she did that. For one insane moment, he had actually been tempted to put his hand on her knee and to just slide it up, see exactly what she was willing to let him do.

Luckily, his sanity had come back to him before he did anything too fucking stupid. Still, he’ll be glad when this is over and the bitch is out of his life forever. Jack’s a busy guy, plenty of plans and things to do. The last thing he needs or wants is for this plan to become anything more than just a plan.

“It’s going as well as it can. Now let’s get this shit going. Getting the ring away from her won’t mean much if I’m dead.” Though, if any of the trolls die - well, that would save him from having to get rid of them later. Maybe if he gets a little too much scrutiny pointed his way, he can throw a few of ‘em under the bus. There’s twelve of them, so it’s not like missing one or two of the less useful ones will mean anything.

\-- 

It's been two weeks since those kids started playing espionage, and they've accomplished what he couldn't in years. The one who can mind-control others, and Karkat's little teal-blooded girlfriend are the most efficient ones, and the ones causing him the most headache. Bodies on the battlefield are one thing, but bodies throwing themselves off of buildings with ropes around their necks is something else entirely. The paperwork mounts up. And the Queen starts wanting answers.

This is how he ends up standing in her chambers. She's hiding her ringless condition from the rest of Derse, though the rumours are already spreading. That's the doing of the one troll who has some sort of brain damage and insists on purring like a cat and talking with Jack about how much he hates the Queen. She's been very good at spreading rumours and dissent among average Dersites. Jack had worried when she started hiding in her chambers that she might catch on without Jack to keep her running circles around him, but his office was barely clear of the stink of her perfume when he was summoned upstairs.

Her chambers do nothing to endear her to him. They're overwrought and decedent beyond compare. She's drinking wine while he goes over the names and identities of those found hanging, and tries very hard to make her miss the patterns that are all too obvious to him.

"We found blood in the Stalwart Wordsmith's office that we believe may have come from her attacker," Jack lies through his teeth. There was blood, but it was clearly her own, too red to have come from any of the players. "As well, there were papers missing."

"What sort of papers." The Black Queen sips at her wine, lounging on the couch. She looks unconcerned, but he knows it's a front. He wouldn't be here if she didn't care.

"We aren't sure. Many were destroyed by the intruder." He could tell her more, but if he answered her questions quickly, he wouldn't keep her nearly as busy as he needs to.

"That's not good enough Jack. Guess." It doesn't stop it from being any less infuriating when she belittles him or treats him like an idiot.

Jack grits his teeth and answers her, "If I had to guess, then I'd guess they took papers about the war, maybe troop movements."

"And why would you guess that?" She sets her glass aside and sits up. "The Wordsmith had no contact with troop movements. That was the duty of Obeisant Stenographer. The Stalwart Worthsmith was primarily responsible for producing official correspondence between myself and the King."

Shit! Jack had thought for sure she wouldn't know whose job it was to file the troop movements. Now he's stuck between looking like an idiot or a liar. He's forced to look like an idiot, and his voice is harsh and clipped when he manages to speak, "It was just a guess."

"It was a poor guess. I would have expected an amateur to make a mistake like that from you." She fixes her eyes on him and Jack's fists ball themselves up, trying hard not to shake with a barely contained rage. Her disdain is the worst thing, because not only does it get under his carapace, but he knows he's better than this, that he deserves better than to have somebody like her treat him like this. "Now, try again Jack. And this time, use your mind."

"They must have taken your correspondence. Maybe the Prospitian who stole it plans on using it against you." Jack should stop right now, but he can't, not while her eyes are on him. Not while Karkat's words are rattling around in his head. "Or maybe they were looking for all of your dirty little secrets you've been stupid enough to write about in letters to your husband so they can print them in their newspapers."

The Black Queen goes still for a moment. She was reaching for her wine again, but now her hand stays frozen in the air as she lets his statement settle in. Jack should take it back, but he doesn't. He read those fucking letters that Terezi got from the Wordsmith, he's seen exactly what was in them. The Queen was more than happy to prattle on to him about all the little things she shouldn't have. If Prospit got their hands on them, they could embarrass Derse in a heartbeat. And if other predominate and important members of the government found those letters waiting in their in-boxes?

When she does move, it's fast. She's on her feet and across the room in a second, and Jack's paperwork spills out of his hands as she grasps him by the collar and yanks him off the ground. Her voice is cold when she speaks, a deep quiet hate that's seconds from shattering into something far more powerful and real. "What did you say?"

"I said," Jack grabs hold of her arms, spitting the words as he tries to breathe, "They took your fucking letters to your fucking husband, and if you were stupid enough to write down what you shouldn't have, then Prospit probably knows everything by now."

The next thing he know, he's hitting the wall. He always forgets how fucking strong she is, that she's not just built for looks, but also for power. Jack's skull cracks off the wall and he falls, a few banners tumbling to the ground around him. She stays where she is, but it's clear she'll move the moment he does. "I can kill you for speaking to me like that."

"Sure, go ahead. Kill me. Kill the only fucking person who ever told you the fucking truth." Jack slowly pulls himself off the ground, his body sore. He should back down, but he's had enough of this. It's been two weeks of putting up with her, letting her walk all over him in order to keep her too busy to look. He's tired of this shit, and he wants her to know how very sincerely he hates her right now. "You can appoint some fucking bootlicking asshole to fill my spot, and when we lose because you're too short-sighted to see the end coming, you can feel good that at least you didn't have to listen to the truth-"

This time she hits him. It's a hard slap across his face, and Jack doesn't even think about it. She hits him and he hits her back, slugging her in the side. He doubts she's ever been hit by anybody because she steps back in surprise, and it gives him the chance to take out her legs and knock her down to the ground. The bitch isn't so fucking scary when she's fallen on her ass, though she's still strong and Jack's attempt to kick her in the side ends with him on his ass too.

They wrestle for a moment, but only a moment. She's bigger than him and as soon as she ends up on top, it's all over. The Black Queen wraps a hand around his neck, squeezing so hard that he can hear his shell cracking. She's trying to hard to stay calm and cold, but he hears her anger bleeding through, and he sees the disdain in her face give way to real hate. "Archagents are not chosen for their devotion to the truth, and they are certainly not chosen for their vulgarity or insubordination. They are chosen for their loyalty, and that is all."

Jack gasps for air, but he can't stop the grin that comes over his face. Loyalty. That's a fucking joke. Well, if he has to die at her hands, this isn't the worst way to go. He got her to crack, to drop her fucking mask for at least one second. That's a sort of victory.

But she lets go and he pulls in air into his burning lungs, coughing as they fill. She's still kneeling on top of him, her dress riding up her legs ever so slightly. It's easy to get his hands onto her, and to note the way her eyes get big with surprise. He doubts anyone's touched her since her husband left for the Battlefield. Soon as the thought enters his mind, he grimaces. He shouldn't be thinking this. All he should be thinking is how fucking heavy she is, and how he can use this to his advantage. "You didn't fucking choose me. I was assigned to you. And I do the job you need me to do, not the one you want."

"You do as I tell you to do." She leans in, jabbing one sharp finger into his chest. "You wear your uniform, you do your paperwork, and in return, you live another day."

Jack grabs hold of her hand, yanking it to the side so she can't poke him with it. "I do your paperwork. You just keep steering our fucking nation into the abyss."

"Replacing you will be an annoyance, but certainly not an impossibility." She bares her teeth at him and Jack does the stupidest thing he's ever done. He leans up and crams his mouth against hers.

It's a shitty kiss. She's shocked and her teeth are still bare and the angle is all fucking wrong, but he kisses her all the same, ignoring the part of his mind that's screaming at him to stop. Jack wraps a hand tight around the back of her neck, keeping her mouth pressed up against his. She unfreezes after a long moment, drawing back as far as his grip will let her. The Black Queen just stares at him, those narrow eyes of her so wide and white.

"Just shut the fuck up for once," Jack pants, his other hand squeezing tight on her hip, "And let me give you what you fucking need."

"You..." She's at a loss for words, but not a loss of actions. This time, it's her turn to kiss him, for those sharp teeth to press against his lips and cut them, for her hands to grab onto his uniform and wrap tight in them. Jack kisses back, and it's more of a fight than a real kiss. He's never wanted anything as much as he wants her right now. He forgets about Operation Regisurp and about Karkat and black romance and all that bullshit. There's nothing else in the world but her and the hate pulsing between them.

It's everything he never knew he wanted from life.

\-- 

Jack knows he's late to meet up with Karkat, but he doesn't give a fuck about that right now, not while his head is nestled between the Black Queen's breasts. Operation Regisurp paid off, but not in the way Jack thought it would. He can't say he's not pleased with how it went though, not when he's sprawled out on her chest.

He can't see her face, but he knows she's still awake because her fingers keep stroking over the back of his neck now and again. Jack's mouth tastes of blood and his lips are all fucked up, but he doesn't care. He's done something that nobody else on Derse ever has, except maybe the Black King, and Jack doubts there was half as much passion between those two as there is between Jack and the Queen.

There's the faint sound of chimes as a clock marks the time. It's a lot later than he thought it would be. "Fuck, already?" He tilts his head up to look at her face. "Where the fuck did the time go?"

"You already know the answer to that one." She smiles at him, sharp as a knife, and he grins right back. Yeah, Jack knows where the time really went. Still, it's more than he expected. He must have dozed off for a bit. "Thankfully, I thought far enough ahead to reschedule my meetings for this evening."

"Fuck 'em. You're the Queen, you can tell them you aren't coming." Jack goes back to settling his head on her breasts. He could stay like this forever.

"Tempting. But duty calls." Her fingers withdraw from his neck and she ends up rolling Jack off of her chest. He just stays sprawled in the bed, watching as she gets dressed and composed. She's fixing her crown on her head when her eyes slide back over to him. The Queen actually smiles a little, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "That goes for you as well. You have a job to do, and I expect it done."

"You know just how to spoil the mood," Jack gripes, but he doesn't really mean it. After all, she doesn't mean it either. Yes, the job has to be done, but she's not demanding he do it himself, just that he makes sure it gets done by somebody. He stretches out and puts his head in her lap. "I'll bring the reports by tomorrow so we can – heh – review 'em."

"Mmm, sounds lovely." She leans down and Jack raises his head up to meet hers. The kiss is sedate, but he's feeling pretty relaxed so that's no surprise. The Queen breaks off first, pushing his head off her lap and standing up. "Now get your things and go. I've got meetings to make."

"Yeah, yeah." He finally rolls out of her bed and finds his uniform. Jack watches her head out of the room, eyes fixed on her backside as he does up the frog buttons up the front. Operation Regicide's going to need to be modified a bit, not much, but just enough to keep her here until this is no longer fun. Maybe he can get those twerps to take out the King for him, and when they think they've won, Jack will just slip in from behind and get rid of them. Then he'll get his ring and his power, and he can even keep her too.

Yeah, that sounds good. He slips out of her chambers and heads to the meeting spot, still formulating plans in his head.

By the time Jack arrives in the Land of Little Cubes and Tea, most of the others are gone. Karkat's the only one waiting for him, though he can see that idiot cat girl off in the distance, clearly keeping an eye on them. He's within hearing range as soon as Karkat begins to go off on Jack. "Where the hell were you? We waited for hours and you didn't show! Your men didn't know where you were either! Did she find out what you were doing?"

"Calm the fuck down kid, I was working on the plan." Jack takes a seat on an especially large chuck of sugar, using it as a fairly shitty chair. "You were right about the romance thing."

Karkat's rage at Jack drops almost immediately. That kid gets his fucking councillor hat on, prying at Jack for details. "How'd it go? Did she return your black intentions?"

"Yeah, and I returned them right back." He grins, thinking about that afternoon. He's still sore from what they all did, and he knows he will be for quite some time. "Turns out what she really needed was a fucking orgasm to stop being such a heinous bitch. She's eating out of the palm of my hand."

"You two..." Karkat makes a gesture that Jack doesn't understand. Looks like the kid is pouring a glass into another glass. But it's clearly meant to be some sort of sexual innuendo. Jack nods and Karkat looks impressed. "Way to go Jack."

"You were right. I fucking hate to admit it, but you were right about the whole back-talk thing. I guess she's been waiting for somebody to stand up to her for fucking years." Jack slouches as best he can on a giant chunk of sugar. "Another few sessions and she'll forget all about her husband."

"Wait, forget about him? But she's flushed for him. You said she pities him." Karkat's frowning at Jack, and he can't say that he particularly likes the look on the kid's face.

"I said she loves him, you keep saying the pity bullshit. But she's pretty uh, flushed or whatever for me too." Karkat gets even more agitated when Jack says that.

"Jack, this is bad, this is really fucking bad. Are you telling me you're not completely black for her?" Karkat asks, and when Jack doesn't immediately answer, the kid nearly leaps down his throat, "Don't tell me you don't hate her anymore!"

"For fuck's sake kid, of course I hate her! Banging her didn't magically make me want to quit or anything. We still need to get our hands on that ring." He assures Karkat, though his own thoughts of finding a way to keep her come back to cling to his mind. "But-"

"But. Oh fuck. You're quadrant flipping. You nookfondling imbecile! That's the worst thing you could do!" Karkat start raving, stomping back and forth. Jack's eyes end up flicking over to the cat girl, who's gotten a lot closer than she was a few minutes ago. Only Karkat's tirade of romance-related rage gets Jack focused on him again. "-never mix hate and pity! Never! That's the easiest way to get killed when your kismesis decides she's black while you're red!"

"Hold the fuck on, what does it even matter if she's more into this than me? Isn't that what we fucking talked about?" As far as plans go, Jack's not seeing how any of this conflicts with anything they talked about beforehand. "I keep her too busy to notice what you're doing, then we get the ring and everything becomes ours."

"Assuming you even live that long! You and the Queen have one of the blackest connections I've ever seen. If that goes sour-" The kid shuts up real quick when he hears the snick of Jack's knife. "Jack-"

"Listen kid, maybe that's how this shit works for grey-skinned assholes, but that's not how it works on Derse. We got one type of romance here, and if the bitch wants to get her heart all a fucking flutter, then let her." He gets hold of the kid's shirt to keep him from getting any further away, just about ready to plant his blade into Karkat's side one more time.

"Okay, okay! Whatever you want Jack!" Karkat gives in far too quickly, hands up in the air. It becomes clear why when his eyes keep darting over to the idiot in the cat ears, who's making her way over double-time. "Just don't stab me, not in front of her, or any of them."

Jack pauses. That's right, the kid and his freaky blood colour. "Sorry kid, I forgot about that shit." He backs off, snapping the knife back into place. Nepeta or whatever her name is heads over. She's still got her claws out. Jack keeps an eye on her while talking to Karkat. "We're doing this shit my way. Got it?"

"Yeah, fine. But when she goes black again, you better be fucking careful." Kid doesn't know when to shut it. Jack doesn't stab him, but it's a near thing. He keeps his eyes on the catgirl all the way back to the 'porter, just in case she gets any fucking ideas.

What the hell does that kid know anyway? Jack's the one with the Queen wrapped around his little finger. He's running this show.

And pretty soon, he'll be running Derse too.

\-- 

It's a few days later when it all goes fucking sour. He walks into his office and finds her sitting at his desk, and for once in his life, Jack's not pissed to see her. Jack takes a moment extra to shut the door and bar it before heading over.

"Inspection time?" Jack drawls out as he approaches her. He's thought about taking her on the desk so many times. Today he's finally going to get his wish. His eyes rake up her long legs as he gets closer, though his smirk fades when realizes she's not smiling. "What?"

She holds out something in her hand. It's a traffic ticket, and even from where he's standing, Jack can see that it's one of the many caricatures of her. He grimaces at the words scrawled right above her monstrous head.

"Shit," Jack curses and tries to get out of the hole he's dug himself, "That's at least three weeks old. I drew that before-"

"Bluh bluh," She reads the words out loud and Jack winces, "Huge bitch. I see you remembered to capture the size of my breasts."

"Hey, c'mon, it was just a way of blowing off steam. You're always on my fucking case to get work done." He tries so hard to play it like it's just a joke, like he's not two seconds away from bolting out the door. "It doesn't mean anything. You know how I fucking feel about you."

The Queen looks at the picture and then at Jack. She sighs and lets it drop to the floor. "Well... I suppose you're right. I do expect the best from you."

"And I deliver, don't I?" Jack slowly approaches her, doing his best to appease her ego. "You get the results you always want. That's just a fucking drawing. You're still the Queen-" Or at least until Jack's done with her. "-You've got all the power here. I'm just your servant."

It leaves a bit of a sour taste in his mouth to say that too, but he knows when to grovel, and the time is right now. He gets in close, setting his hands on her knees. She fixes him with that sultry look he's starting to get used to, settling a hand on the back of his head. "How true. I suppose you'd like to make it up to me."

"Whatever you want." His hands squeeze her knees and start working north towards those thighs of hers. "I'm at your fucking command."

The Black Queen smiles, far too wide, and Jack realizes that she's still pissed about half a second before she yanks him forward and slams his head against the desk. Her iron grip is on his head as she yanks him up, keeping him inches from her face. Jack's dizzy and blood's coming out of his nose and she's snarling at him, "Then I command you to burn every single piece of 'art' that you saw fit to draw about me. I don't care when it was done, I want it gone by nightfall. And if you ever think of desecrating your paperwork with such unflattering and treasonous artwork, I will cut off your hands and mount them on my fireplace. Are we clear?"

"C-crystal," Jack spits out, along with some blood. He's still reeling from the blow, but more than that, from the sudden change in tune. There's a part of him half-expecting her to just snap his neck and be done with it.

But she doesn't. The Black Queen leans in and kisses him, hard and harsh on the mouth. When she pulls back, his blood is on her. She clearly doesn't mind. "Good boy. Now. Let's talk about how you'll make this up."

It's two hours later when he enters the Land of Rays and Frogs. A light rain is falling. Jack sneers at it as best he can. He's a sore mess and he's still bleeding.

Karkat doesn't say anything about it when he sees Jack, which is the reason why Jack doesn't take out too much of his anger on him. The stab Karkat gets is pretty shallow and they patch each other up. There are frogs all over the fucking place and Jack makes sure to step on a few, just out of spite.

"You were right. She went black twice as fucking hard," Jack reluctantly admits, roughly stitching the kid up. "We need to act fast. Get your team together. We're striking tomorrow, before she catches on to Operation Regisurp."

"We're not quite ready for that Jack. We've still got our own quests to complete." Karkat scowls as Jack sticks the needle in and out of him, drawing the string tight. "We're not done Kanaya's quest."

"Then finish them the fuck up quick. You're going to get me killed kid." That seems to be pretty effective. The kid's got some sort of attachment to Jack that he doesn't really get. Sure they've got the same blood colour, but so does the rest of Derse and Prospit, and their end goals are different enough. But Jack's kind of fond of Karkat, even if he's an angry idiot.

"We'll hurry it up. Don't worry about it. She's not going to lay a hand on you- fuckballs! You grubfucking asshole!" Karkat's feverish promise becomes more of a cursing session. Jack still got the general gist of it. He knows the kid will come through. "Watch where you're sticking that!"

"Watch your fucking mouth," He snipes back, grinning to himself as he finishes with Karkat and starts on his own wounds. The bitch's days are numbered, and Jack cannot fucking wait.

\-- 

He watches them deliver the final verdict from her throne, drinking whiskey out of one of her fancy fucking goblets. On the projectors once used to give her a full view of the Battlefield, he watches as her own husband strips her of her title and sentences her to exile. Nothing can stop the glee he's feeling right now, not as he watches her try to suffer through this indignation with a stiff upper lip. Karkat watches with him, all of his other friends off fighting their fucking quests and doing whatever other stupid shit they were destined to do. The kid's sitting on the carpet, neck craned up to watch it all go down.

It had all gone off perfectly. The mountain of evidence had damned her, all those stamped and signed orders with witnesses to verify that they had come directly from the Queen herself. She could have protested until she was blue in the face, but it wouldn't have mattered. Jack and the trolls had thought of everything, every single eventuality and made sure to place just enough evidence in each spot to make it airtight.

Jack had been called as a witness, and he had put on the performance of a lifetime, spinning the truth to damn her. Her affair with Jack went unmentioned, and so any alibi she may have had fell through in an instant. Where had she been, if not in her chambers issuing orders? What was she doing, if not moving against her own husband to unseat him and replace him with another?

Her people were quick to divide themselves, half certain she was the greatest traitor of all, half certain that she was an innocent, that she had never planned such terrible things. Jack kept his eyes on those who stood by the Queen, even as she reached the point of no return, and he noted their names. When the time came, he would show them exactly what their loyalty had bought them.

But now, right now, his eyes are focused on her figure as she's marched to her final destiny. She won't be exiled in any ship. Even as an ex-Queen, she's been granted an entire battleship as her exile vessel. From the throne that was once hers, Jack watches as they take her crown, and as they force her to board the ship. He runs his thumbs over the edges of her chair and shows all his teeth as the ship is cut loose from it's moorings and pointed straight at the portal.

Time to let her know his little part in this. Jack snaps his fingers at the kid. "Hey, get up. Don't let her see you sitting like this."

"Who? Her?" Karkat gets to his feet, shaking his head. "Jack, we're winning. Don't be the dumb ass who lets her know."

"We won. Past-tense. There's nothing the bitch can do about it now." Jack grins at Karkat and gets to work.

The Panoptic Repository can reach anywhere, including the insides of the battleship. The ex-Queen's standing at the front of the ship, staring out the transparent screens at the approaching ring of light. She looks like she's barely holding it together. He grins and instructs the Panoptic to take over the screens.

At a height that's monstrous, the image of the Banished Quaziroyal takes hold, showing her face in glorious detail. Her eyes snap to Jack, to the throne he's sitting on, and finally to Karkat standing beside him. Her mouth pulls back into a snarl that makes his heart swell. "Jack Noir!"

"Your Majesty. Or wait, that's not right. You're not anymore. You're just a bitch," Jack calls out, laughing as he sees the truth take hold in her face.

"How dare you use that word!" She hisses and he leaps to his feet, nearly spilling liquor all over himself.

“I can use any word I want from now on! You’re not the Queen anymore, and you can’t tell me shit!” His blood is roaring through his body and he feels so alive right now, untouchable and potent. “You’re just the stupid bitch who lost it all!”

“You traitorous swine!” He’s never seen her this angry, even when she turned her rage on him. She always had herself under tight control, but she’s got no control now. “You betrayed me! You betrayed your own people!"

"I did them a favour! I liberated them from you and your fucking incompetent ways!" His finger stabs the air, and his smile is wide as he gives her the piece of his mind she's always deserved. "And you let me! You were so fucking eager to close your eyes and spread your thighs for the first man who refused to take your shit!"

"You can't speak to me like that!" Her hands slam against the ship's console and she gets in close to the screens, that careful mask of hers utterly shattered. "I am the Queen-"

"You're nothing! You're fucking nothing!" Jack throws the goblet aside, arms open wide as he gloats. "I beat you! I fucking won! Your ring is mine! And when I'm finished with this planet, nobody will remember what you ever looked like! I'm going to burn every single one of your proclamations and melt down your statues and behead your precious fucking husband, and there won't be anything left of you! You'll be nothing. And you can't do anything about it! You! Lost!"

"Jack Noir, if it is the last thing I ever do, I will find you and I will kill you! You'll get what you're owed, whether it's by my hands or the hands of another!" She grips the screens and Jack surges up on the tips of his toes, baring his teeth in time with hers. "You will pay for this!"

"Go on, make all the threats you want! You’ll have all the time in the world to plot in your new kingdom made of burning rubble and endless sand! Maybe you can find a few insects to rule over as the Queen of Jack-shit!" Jack sits down on the throne, turning to the side and putting his legs over the arms. She's furious, and for once, he understands why she always sat on his desk like she owned it. It's wonderful misusing someone else's things, particularly when they're powerless to stop you. "I'll be here, sitting on my fucking throne, ruling my planet."

"Mark my words Jack Noir, your victory won’t last the week!" She slams her hands again, sparks flying around her. The ex-Queen looks so beautiful right now. Jack knows he'll remember this for the rest of his life, the moment of ultimate triumph. "You will never put your filthy hands on my ring! I hate you more than I have ever hated another living being, and I will do whatever it takes to see you fall!”

“I’ve loathed you for fucking years, and nothing you’re feeling is anything like that hatred I’ve held in my heart for you, and for everything you stood for." He grins so hard he feels his face might split in two. "I hope when you’re starving to death in that fucking wasteland, the last fucking thing you think about as your body shuts down is of me in my moment of triumph! Goodbye you fucking bitch, enjoy the last few miserable months of your pathetic life!”

With that, he cuts the transmission and sags into the chair. That was better than sex. He could use a smoke.

"Did you see her fucking face? I though she was going to leap through the screen." Jack twists around to look at Karkat, and gets the shock of his life. The kid's crying. Big red streaks are rolling down his face. "What the fuck's wrong with you? Are you crying?"

"No! Fuck you, I'm not crying!" Karkat snaps back, rubbing at his face with his sleeve.

"Don't tell me you feel some sort of pity for that bitch-" The kid's shaking his head no, even before Jack finishes. "Then what the fuck's going on?"

His cheeks are still streaked with red. "That was the most beautiful caliginous display I've ever seen. It was just like 'Wherein A Threshecutioner and a Fleet Commander Are Forced to Work Together for the Greater Good of the Empire, and Slowly Realise That Their Distate May in Fact Run Caliginous, Including Seven Fight Scenes, Several Dozen Explosions-"

"Oh for fuck's sake." Jack slumps into the throne again. As soon as he gets the ring in his hands, he's slitting the kid's throat. There's only so much of this troll romance bullshit one man can live with.

 

\-- 

The ring isn't in the safe.

Jack doesn't believe at first. He just thinks he's not looking in the right spot. The ring should be there, sitting on a pedestal. But it's not. It's gone. Somebody beat him to the ring.

Later, while hurling through one of the gates in a stolen shuttle, he'll realize that this should have been a warning. But he'd been so fixated on finding that fucking ring that he never stopped to think about it logically. All he could think about was finding who stole it from him, and he never once thought to look to the twelve backstabbing candy-corn-horned pieces of shit he'd trusted. They hadn't even crossed his mind. It wasn't like they could wear it. Why would anyone steal something they couldn't even use?

Worst of all, Karkat had been there, nervous but quick with a suggestion. When Jack finally realized it was gone, Karkat had an answer for him even before Jack asked him for one. "I'll get Sollux to hack the network. He can find out who took it."

"Do it!" Jack snapped at him. He thought the kid was nervous because he didn't want a knife in his side. So fucking stupid. Everything had been there right in front of him and Jack hadn't seen it. It hadn't even been a good plan, not anywhere near in the same league as Jack's. Those kids couldn't plan for shit.

But then again, the kids didn't plan this shit.

He followed Karkat through the tower, Dersites quickly finding new things to do as the spiderbitch promptly manipulated them all into wandering off. The cane-tapping one was nowhere to be seen and really, there's another thing he should have noticed. He didn't though, he didn't notice a damn thing, not even as they reached the fucking shipyard.

"Sollux says the guy who took the ring got into a shuttle. We'll start on that end." Karkat points away, and hesitates. "Jack. Maybe the ring isn't that important."

"Save it kid. I don't need a fucking pep-talk about how I'm special the way I am. I need that ring," Jack snarls and turns on his heel. "I'll start down here."

"Okay... bye Jack," He sounds lost and sad, but Jack's barely listening. His eyes are on the prize. That ring will be his, there's no doubts about it.

It's the third shuttle he steps into that's the trapped one. Jack's searching the console when that fucking cane comes down across his head, knocking him onto the floor. It hurts, it really fucking hurts, and Jack's barely up on his feet when it hits him again. He hears his carapace crack, and he sees the blood spill out on the floor.

Jack looks up to see Terezi standing in the doorway. She's got her fucking shark's grin on, bloody cane held in her hand. The crazy bitch stops to sniff her cake. "Well well, looks like you've got a cherry filling underneath that nasty licorice coating."

"What the fuck?" Jack grabs onto the chair to pull himself up. The cane snaps out again, slamming down hard enough on Jack's wrist that it feels like she's broken it. He collapses on the floor again. "You fucking bitch! Karkat!"

"Karkles won't be coming. He didn't want to see this part." She takes her stance in the doorway. He knew from the start she was dangerous. The fact that he's in this position at all just makes Jack want to kick his own ass. But she's doing a fine job of that without his help. "He still likes you, even though you were going to kill us the moment you got your grubby hands on that ring. That's why he can't do this."

"But you can." He cradles his arm, struggling to sit up. "Let me guess. It's nothing personal."

"It's personal. Just not for me. I never trusted you Jack, but she-" Terezi taps her forehead and laughs, "She hates you, more than she's ever hated anything. The Dark Text Lady hates you more than Prospit."

"The fuck?" Maybe it's the blood loss or the throbbing in his skull but Jack can't figure out what the hell she's going on about. Those voices in her head maybe. "Listen you little bitch-"

"No." She punctuates this with the smack of her cane. It hurts like hell. She must have finished scaling the echeladder to deal damage like that. "It's your turn to listen. I have a message for you Jack Noir." The dragon's head on her cane hooks under his chin and raises it to look at her.

He spits on the cane, baring his teeth. "Say it."

Terezi's voice changes as she delivers it. He can almost hear the bitch's voice running through her, those cool crisp words that always held him in place. "I said you would never put your filthy hands on my ring. And you never will."

Jack stares in horror. What? How? Why? A thousand questions rush in at him. The Queen's in exile, she can't be speaking to him through a fucking troll child. But that's her, that's not an imitation, that's her voice. He knows her voice better than anyone else. He knows her, and that was her.

While he's still staring in shock, Terezi pulls her cane back and laughs. "Bye Jack. Thanks for the help."

And with that, she brings the came down on his head, and that's the last he ever sees of Derse.

\-- 

His shitty shuttle crashed instead of landing, and it takes Jack a few hours to wake up. Jack's head is caked in dry blood and half of his supplies are fucking ruined. He ignores the rest, shoving open the shuttle door and stepping out.

It's weirder and more desolate than even he had imagined. Green and pinks sand blows this way and that, forming dunes in the pale light of two moons. It's cold and barren, and except for the occasional sound of something sliding over the sand, it's without noise. Jack's never been anywhere without sound before. Derse is always loud, the sounds of the city as inescapable as the horrorterrors, and even the Lands had their own strange noises. But not here. There's nothing here but him.

And the Queen.

She's alive out there, somewhere. Who knows where she is now, or what her name is, or even what she looks like. But she's there and she's alive, and she got her revenge. The bitch got him when he least expected it. Even Jack has to begrudgingly admit that he didn't see it coming.

He stands in the doorway of the shuttle and his eyes scan the endless horizon. She'll be expecting him. He'll be expecting her too. Jack won't get caught off guard by her again. He won't be fooled. Until he holds her dead body in his arms, he'll think of her as alive, intact, and waiting.

His Derse uniform is ruined. Jack discards it. Derse is dead to him, just as the past is dead. He wraps himself in strips torn from one of the shuttle's emergency blankets. It's grey, like those fucking troll kids, and he keeps his teeth bared as she wraps himself up. They'll pay too, one way or another. If she could talk to them, so can he. Jack will find them, and he'll make them pay.

But first...

Whatever he can carry that isn't ruined is packed up and slung over his shoulder. He leaves the ship, stepping out into the desert and glancing around. Everywhere looks the same. It doesn't matter what direction he chooses. So he closes his eyes and he lets instinct guide him.

His hatred points him north. North to her? Maybe. Is it really so unlikely that his endless rage would know where she is? Troll romance may have been a pile of bullshit, but maybe there was something to it underneath the insane obsession with buckets and quadrants. Maybe there was a deeper truth there about the strength of emotions.

Jack Noir hates the ex-Queen with more intensity than he's felt for anything in his life, ever. Everything else pales in comparison. She is, and has always been, the apex of his hatred, his all-consuming passion. His – and he nearly gags to think the word – kismesis.

Doesn't matter if Karkat was right or wrong. Jack knows one thing for sure: he's going to find her, no matter how many years it takes, no matter how many decades. He'll find her even if he has to dig up her grave with his bare hands. And when he gets his hands on her, Jack's going to finish what he started on Derse. He's going to destroy her utterly and leave nothing but ashes. Jack will burn this whole world down if he has to.

He'll burn anything to get to her.

Like a hate-seeking missile aimed straight at the Black Queen's heart, Jack Noir heads north.


End file.
